2020 was a doozy, to say the least. The last year has left me feeling unsettled… it’s effects still lingering like plowed piles of snow in the grass green corners of our lives. Ready and waiting for Spring, but living with the evidence that it is indeed still Winter- the true thaw months away.
I’ve been sitting with this polarity since the new year…rolling it around in my head and on my tongue. I didn’t set any new intentions for 2021 like I normally would. I wanted to, but couldn’t…and so I didn’t. I didn’t push myself to abandon the energy of the past year, because it is still working within me, and that feels important, albeit uncomfortable.
Many of my clients have expressed a similar thread within them, whether knowing it or not. When we hold onto the “past”, we generally feel stuck, and our survival instincts kick into high gear to propel us OUT of that stagnant place. If we can’t move forward, panic starts to creep in. Enter anxiety and stress downstage center!
So what can we do with this? How do we move forward, when it feels impossible to do so?
We hold out both of our hands, palms up. Palms up and open to hold space for what we still carry, AND to receive the new energy that is so vital to the cyclic nature of life. I have lost count of how many times I have turned my palms up in surrender and supplication in the last month.
It can be both. It has to be. For me, I have to believe in change and transformation… I need to feel the evolution of life and the turning of the wheel. And yet, this last year has taught me that I also can’t abandon the grief, and healing work that doesn’t magically end just because we’ve turned the page on our calendars. I have no doubt that I’ve tried to do exactly that in years past… wistfully and blindly pushing forward, only to be slammed in the face with what I ran from.
This year though…this year I felt the need to keep tending to the grief in my very core. It is still there, and I would not and will not ignore it.
In a conversation about their garden, someone very dear to me recently said, “The trees are dormant, but there is still Spring in their branches”.
We are the same. There are times in life where we feel fallow and listless because of what we are carrying, but there is still sentience and vitality in our mind, body, and soul.
When you feel stuck, discouraged, or bogged down by the last year, hold out your hands- palms up, and know that it can and is ALWAYS BOTH. There is still spring in our branches, even when covered in snow.