I was impatient. I pushed. I WILLED my objective into being. I essentially was “the magician” pulling flowers out of thin air. Were the flowers impressive? Maybe at first glance and from far away….but they were NOT extraordinary up close. They were made of cheap plastic, wrinkled, and dirty from years of being shoved up my sleeves and pulled out again, over and over.
Manifesting, to me, means trust and action – NOT HOPE. I had trust, and I thought I had action, but what I was actually doing was forcing my path, or my flowers to grow. I hadn’t planted a seed.
I DID NOT PLANT THE SEED. I have been walking around for months with my head in the clouds, feeling utterly untethered and completely ungrounded. And I was flabbergasted by this! I thought, “I am finally doing what I am meant to do- why do I feel like I can’t get my footing?”
The answer lies in today’s New Moon and the advice of my very wise mentor. I needed to plant a seed inside myself. NOT in my head, but in my womb- where it will have time, proper care, and nourishment to grow. And I know what you are thinking…”Didn’t she literally just have a baby?! She should be all about nourishment and creating new life, and embracing her womb.” Believe me…. the irony is not lost on me.
My pregnancy and birth experience was so challenging that my mind subconsciously turned a key and locked away the knowledge that is needed in order to bring something sacred into fruition. I closed the door on MY body, and focused on my son’s. And so, for the past year, I have been walking around using only my head and sheer force of will to get things done. I was still using my Intuition, but in keeping with our flower analogy, it was SEVERELY dehydrated. ( I’ve never had a green thumb…Ha.). To put it bluntly, my womb feels dead. Empty. Used up. I have completely neglected this part of my body…. after it created, held, and delivered the most precious thing in my life. And I have almost let it die. My womb. My sacral energy. How often do we unknowingly do this to ourselves? Disconnecting from a crucial life force somewhere within us? Too often. So this is where the Light Work begins….
On this New Moon, I plant a seed of intention in my womb. A tiny, yet mighty notion of my dreams to come. I will water it with tears of enlightenment, and nourish it with the promise of keeping the soil that surrounds it, rich and fertile…and ALIVE.
I will abide by the seasons, and allow time for this seedling to shift, grow, and flourish. The harvest cannot be reaped unless the seeds have first been sown.